Confirmación

As her first communion drew near, young Catalina was aglow with anticipation. To follow in the footsteps of her brothers in approaching the priest, to wear special clothes and get admired by all, and especially to show her devotion: how wonderful!

If only the dress did not have to be white. It was a very special outfit, her first bought just for her from a store, and Mamá had told her a hundred, no, a thousand times, not to get anything on it. "You may practice in your other dresses," she told her eager daughter, who had thrown herself into a mock first communion nearly every day for a month. Of course the other clothes were either castoffs from her cousins or sewn by her family, and while they were not as amazing as the white dress, they were far more suitable for where Catalina could usually be found: out of doors and running around.

"Antonio, be the priest," she begged as they played in the yard one afternoon, less than a week until her very important Sunday.

"Sure, sure, just let me make this goal," he said, eyes still on the ball he was dribbling between his feet. Catalina tried to be patient but one round turned into two, and then she couldn't help lunging after the ball herself, kicking it just as hard toward their little net.

Javier blocked it easily, keeping his hands on the ball afterward. "Fair is fair, Antonio, let's help little Lina."

"Sophia, come on, you can watch," Catalina called, and two sisters instead of one trudged over with their dolls. The expectant communicant eagerly arranged them all in the grass, Antonio too, while Javier took the priest's part by a tree. Then she walked down the little makeshift aisle, hands in prayer, pretending she was beautiful like her nearest cousin had been just the year before, silently asking God to let her shine before men.

After letting her kneel and smile and wave several times, though, her siblings grew tired of this game. The girls wanted their turn too, after which Antonio found the ball, and Javier comforted her by saying "You did very well Lina, don't worry, it's going to be fine on Sunday."

They all played some more and Catalina happily dirtied herself with leaping, kicking, and rolling in the grass. But that night she wondered again about the dress. Would she look as nice in it for real as she did in her head? And what about drinking from the cup? What if she spilled anything? That would be awful. She would look terrible. And she wouldn't be a light before God! These ideas pestered her all the next day, and she was further hampered by bad weather keeping her inside and forced into extra spelling practice under her parents' close supervision. When a phone call interrupted this tutoring she kicked her legs, energy needing release, desperate for purpose beyond a pencil and paper and horrible, horrible words. When her mother finally hung up and asked if she had written anything else down, Catalina loudly proclaimed, "No!"

It was of course the wrong answer, and she had to spend even longer copying out letters that all began to blur beneath her fingers. Catalina's scribbles turned to pictures and she gleefully pretended the splotchy vague shapes circling her lines might chew them all to bits. Mamá sighed when she saw the results.

"You will have to do it over again, I am afraid, but not right now." It was her stern voice, one Catalina recognized immediately and sat up straighter, waiting to hear what new task she would have to endure. "Come dear, help set the table while I get the baby."

There was always a baby to take care of, Catalina knew by now, but usually there were more people to get things ready for dinner. Instead, she followed instructions as her mother directed each plate and cup to be set, at first annoyed with the work but warming to it as she enjoyed the rare opportunity to bask in her mother's attention nearly alone (and who could resent a baby, after all?)

"You see, Catalina, each piece has a part to play," Mamá said, passing over a napkin she refolded one handed for her daughter to reset. Catalina nodded eagerly. "And do you see how important it is to make sure we all have what we need?"

"Yes!"

"You can be a good helper," Mamá informed her with a tiny smile, and Catalina basked in this praise. "I know you want to be. But you have to learn how to pay attention to little things as well as big things. How will God use you in the world if you refuse to do the work He has already given you here at home?"

Catalina no longer felt pretty inside or out. Instead, she thought of all her selfish prayers and cast her eyes down, ashamed. Her feelings spilled out just as the rest of the family came in to eat. "Please, I'm sorry, I won't be so bad again!" she cried in contrition, sure she would never be allowed to kneel at the front of the church.

Before anyone could say anything, her father took her hands and led her out of the room, then held her in his strong arms as she hiccuped on his shoulder. "Now what is the matter, my dear girl?"

She told him everything, unusually quiet, letting his gentle questions lead her down the path to confession. "I just wanted to be beautiful!"

"To be lovely before Heaven is better than anything else, and that you already are," Papá told her in his warmest voice, and she smiled again through her tears. Then he proposed something wonderful: she could dress up for dinner, and though she would not wear her special white one, she could practice serving everyone in another pretty outfit, and that would be truly in the spirit of communion. She agreed at once and let him select the clothes and help her to change, excited and pleased, then seriously announced her determination when they returned to the table. Her mother looked up in surprise but then nodded slowly after a whisper from Papá.

Despite her best intentions, Catalina did not immediately transform into a graceful waitress. There were a few spills, and Javier may have helped her a lot when she got to both his and Antonio's cups, and her parents moved theirs around wherever Catalina pointed the pitcher. But she did not get anything on her dress or the floor! Everyone thanked her, and even Mamá acknowledged how careful she had been while helping her get ready for bed. "Am I better now?" she asked her mother, even with her sisters crowding around for their turn at being tucked in.

"You will keep getting better every day," was the promise she received with a kiss to the forehead. "You will all find your way if you trust to God, keep the commandments, and listen for His guidance. Remember that we love you very much, no matter what."

It was an awfully big responsibility, that white dress. With her family's help, though, Catalina believed she might be ready for it soon.